Fear itself

“Is there any other animal on earth that willingly tempts death?” 

My new roommate Iris was having a hard time understanding why, exactly, she was about to jump off a bridge and how, exactly, I had convinced her to do so.   She, like the three others who came with us, had fallen prey to my high pressure sales tactics for a bungee jumping excursion.  As we de-boarded the van upon our arrival to the jump site, my companions were all looking at me the same way bankrupt homeowners look at their bankers--as if to say, “I know this was technically my own decision, but what drug did you slip in my drink to obtain my consent?”

I proceeded with attempts to calm their nerves (and deflect their laser glares) using existential philosophy.  

“No, other animals don’t do things like this because humans are the species with the highest level of free will.  But free will is like a muscle--if you don’t use it, it atrophies.  If you live your entire life only doing things you are supposed to do, the things you are expected to do, never taking any risks, never pushing any limits... you’re going to wake up one morning and realize you no longer have free will.  You will be a slave in a cage of rationality and fear.  You will only be capable of following orders and social norms.  You won’t know how to quit you job or invent something new or travel to an unknown place because you will have lost your faculty of creative decision making.  

We should practice facing fears every day.  It doesn’t matter if the thing that scares us seems futile or irrelevant.  The point is to strengthen the muscle of confronting and overcoming any obstacle. 

So, my friends, today we will throw ourselves off of this bridge!  Not because we have to.   Not because it is particularly productive.  But because we are human!  Because we can!  And because if we don’t, we risk evolving into catatonic uniphobes, incapable of touching doorknobs for the fear of the unknown on the other side of the threshold.”

And unanimous applause followed!!

(ok, that last part was slightly exaggerated)

But after we all survived, no one regretted it: 

I must admit though, for all the fanfare of my epic speech making, it’s all hypocrisy.  I’ve never been afraid of heights or adrenaline thrills, so bungee jumping isn’t exactly overcoming a major barrier for me.  The things that I’m actually afraid of--being vulnerable with others, losing control over my life, making a wrong decision--I don’t touch with a ten-foot pole.  In fact, I pad my world with meter-thick mattresses to avoid the bruises from those kind of jumps.  

Every relationship is casual and label-less because “I’m independent.”  But actually I’m scared of being known. 

I make a good salary, but I pinch pennies because “I’m responsible.”  But actually the thought of a bank account without safety net savings feels like staring into a black hole supernova.

When I’m confronted with a choice, I consult everyone’s opinion because “I value good advice.”  But actually I’m terrified of regretting a bad call.  

So I guess it’s about time I start following my own cheesy advice... and the wise words of ol’ Frank: “The only thing to fear is fear itself.”